Wednesday, May 15, 2013

My Experience With: My Type

Quite frequently, I get asked about my "type" of guy. I'm assuming guys are asking this since it is always inquiries about men. I'm sure I'll get into my type when it comes to women another time. 

 I also get asked about my experience with other races. I always put "race" in quotations. I don't exactly have my ethnicity or race written across my forehead and no one else does. I don't ask people their origin either. It doesn't matter to me. I am a visual person. When I look at someone, I'm turned on or I'm not. Attraction begins physically. If I'm not physically attracted but I am attracted emotionally and mentally, that isn't my ideal mate. I don't want to feel guilty being with someone that I have to fake the physical part with. My "type" has to be someone pleasing to my eyes, heart and mind. I get turned on by lighter skin, light eyes and usually blonde hair. It isn't something I think about. It's my bodies reaction to a person being close to me. I can find people attractive regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation... I'm basically an equal-opportunist when it comes to seeing individuals as good looking. This does not mean I am sexually attracted in the same way. 

 I've had people say I'm ignorant. I can see how someone would think that just by hearing that I am not attracted to a ____ man. It often comes after I'm asked about black men. This is just what I've noticed. I've been part of this melting pot of a world long enough to know that in general, darker skin doesn't do anything for me. This includes guys that tan and men with naturally darker complexions. It's not my thing. Again, I don't think about any of this. I go off my body. 

When I saw my beau, my body reacted. 6'5, blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin. It's my type. I've been with tall, dark and handsome. I've been with fat, short and jewish. I've been with 5'7, brown-eyed cheater. There are SO many different variables to human beings. Race, ethnicity, values, upbringing, job, income level, education level, the type of car they drive... A type covers far more than physical appearance. You can not judge someone for their type. I'm not offended by men who are attracted to thin, short girls with flat chests and a doctorate. Just because it isn't what I am, doesn't mean its wrong. We all have preferences. These preferences do not harm anyone. Ry loves tall, big boobs and brown eyes with a high sex drive. I fit that. Some guys love asian girls. Some guys will only date other jewish girls. Some guys will only date women willing to be stay-at-home moms. Some guys will only date size 0. Some guys will only date strippers. These can all be applied to women and their "type"/requirements, too. It doesn't matter. It doesn't affect you. Our types are all around us. If every one of us were attracted to everyone else, we'd be the Unites States of Orgies.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Q&A: Previous Encounters

When you having sex with someone did you by any chance remember one of your previous encounters?

This only happens to me when I'm reminded of something bad. If I hear a certain sound or if I'm called something that only one person has ever called me, of course I'm going to think back. I'm always looking for new experiences so when I'm reminded of a previous person, it is a real buzzkill. I want each time to be special to that person and so far, I've been extremely lucky to have memories stay in the past and form new and better experiences in the now.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Q&A: Sex in Public

Have you ever had sex in public?

Have I had sex outside of the house? Yes.
Have I had sex around people while they watched? No.
Have I had sex around people that weren't aware of my activities? Yes.
Have I had sex out in the open where people may or may not have seen? Yes.

The term public in this question can mean several things to different people, hence the multiple responses. 

Bathrooms are the perfect spot to get your kicks in public behind a locked closed doors. I use them a lot. Some may even enjoy leaving the door unlocked for the added bonus of getting caught in another way. I personally don't need people to watch me have sex. I'm sure I'd entertain the idea of porn or even stripping privately, at least girl/girl stuff if I enjoyed being watched. I don't go so far as to make sure all the windows are closed and covered at home, but I don't intentionally put my tits against the window when getting it from behind.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

My Experience with: Masturbation

I was recently asked for advice from a girl expressing difficulty cumming from sex and masturbation. I'm a girl who is having trouble orgasming during sex or masturbating. Any advice?

Let's start with my experience. Since I can remember, I've been aware and a bit fascinated by my girlie parts. I knew they were a part of my body but I saw the whole set-up as being foreign. I started touching myself for pleasure when I was twelve or thirteen. I would take a shower and spread my lips and touch my clit or reach inside with a finger and expect to cum! That is what it seemed like happened on TV and in porn. I thought there'd be instant pleasure. Why wasn't I cumming?? There must be something wrong with me.

Alas, I'm not a quitter. I started changing one thing at a time, starting with my position. I stopped trying in the shower and started laying in bed. My position alone made a huge difference. Little things will affect your experience. Don't give up your hope of an orgasm when a small change could be the key.

My masturbating technique now is the best advice I can provide. You have the best chance of pleasure if you utilize your g-spot and clit at the same time. I highly recommend getting a simple g-spot vibrator that you can slide in, turn on and focus on your clit. The vibrating stimulation on your g-spot will increase sensation in your clit. This is the shape you want to go for and this is what I currently use, even with my man. You want your g-spot toy to do the work for you so you can give your attention to touching your clit.

With the clit, I like to use my left hand to spread my lips. It brings the clit to the forefront which helps if you aren't turned on or turned on all the way. As I said, the g-spot toy should help bring more sensation to your clit. I use saliva or water based lube to keep my clit wet at all times. If you touch too much or apply too much pressure for too long, you'll be sore later on which I doubt will make you want to jump back into the sack with yourself any time soon! I use 2-3 fingers and slide from the front to the back, back and forth. I'd give this a few minutes to start feeling pleasurable. Tingling and warmth are what you're looking to feel. Just start with that. Eventually, keep going, maybe add more pressure. For me, I have to touch myself, stop and press down on my clit to climax. You may be able to cum without stopping the motion.

For fun, I'll masturbate before sex and as soon as a climax, I will have him get on top of me and I'll start  touching myself again with him inside me. If you want to try to cum from your g-spot alone during sex, this is the next step for you. You want to start cumming with your man inside while you touch your clit.  Get used to those pleasurable feelings and have them associated with cock. I also recommend getting a rabbit toy for the dual stimulation. Get one with the controls separate from the base of the toy, like this. When you're exploring your body, the last thing you want to do is sit up awkwardly trying to figure out which button to press that is sticking out of your vagina. I like to have my control on my side. A tilt of the head and simple adjustment means remaining comfortable and in the moment. Interruptions can lead to having to start the process from the beginning and if you have a good thing going, why would you want to stop and restart?

Masturbation is the key to understanding your key triggers and points of pleasure. I fully understand the frustration when masturbation doesn't seem to "work". Let me just say, even if you don't feel anything when masturbating, you are accomplishing something. Whatever you're doing, isn't right for you so try something new. Whether you read a book that said "do it this way" or got advice from a friend or even read something from me, there is no single way to pleasure yourself as a female. We are all different. If what you're doing isn't working, change it. All I can provide is what works for me and the advice to not give up or get frustrated.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Position Spotlight : The Hero

Need to spice up your sex life? Having trouble hitting her g-spot? Want to give her the best orgasm of her life? The Hero is here.

This position has many names. You may hear it called The Crab, Full Press, Lifted and Pure position. I usually explain it as The Deck Chair with small changes. There may be slight variations between these but they all stem from the same basic concepts.

The female is on her back, relaxed and comfortable. Her knees are bent. She can control the angle ranging from knees touching chest to feet on partner's shoulders. There is no wrong way. Controlling the angle, controls the depth. The closer the knees are to the chest, the deeper the penetration. Adjust accordingly.

The male is on his knees. He uses the female's butt, thighs or feet to raise her off the bed for a better g-spot angle. My personal favorite is when the male holds my hips as he lifts.

These are the basics but I suggest adding something extra. Have her play with her clit as you penetrate. Just like I suggest in my other posts, have her spread her lower lips and make sure the clit has lubricant. Lube can be useful because a drop goes a long way where spit or cum needs to be reapplied and gives a greater chance of her getting out of rhythm and having to begin again. This can quickly cause frustration. My mind blowing orgasms come from the g-spot penetration with clitoral orgasm.

If you and she are into DP, you can easily add a toy or finger with this position without any adjustment. Raise her ass high enough and you can add spanking too.

Whenever you combine g-spot and clitoral stimulation, you increase the likelihood of climax. Be the hero with The Hero.

Photo credit:

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Bringing the Blog Back

I haven't updated since March?? I can believe it. 

Now that I've remembered my password (with a little help), you'll be seeing more from me on here. 

Feel free to leave your experiences or questions on my formspring to have them featured in one of my blogs.

Next topic: Marriage

Monday, March 19, 2012

My Experience with: Virginity

Since we lose our virginity once, the only way I can approach the subject is with my personal experience.

Once I started thinking about sex, I heard all the horror stories. The main points being:
1. It's painful and unpleasant
2. You bleed
3. You just want to get it over with

With glowing reviews like that, who wouldn't want to jump in the sack? *insert sarcasm*

I had been masturbating on and off since I was about 13. Very light clitoral stimulation, never to completion. I would occasionally insert a finger or two but nothing especially mind blowing. Guys, skip this next tidbit and move onto the next part. Girls, I had tried using tampons but found them extremely painful. I was so scared this was a precursor to even more pain my first time. If you're able to use tampons, you're already ahead. 

My opportunity for sex did not arise until I was 16. I started dating my family's friend's son. Sounds more complicated than it was. He was three years older. I guess that's where my affinity for older men began. We started dating in April and over the course of the next few months, rounded all the bases. It was new to both of us. You do not want to run to home plate if you haven't explored all other sexual avenues with each other beforehand. Know how your partner feels and tastes. The more comfortable you are with each other's anatomy, the more comfortable you'll be when it comes time to make the next step. Fingering is especially good warm up for the occasion. You'll slowly stretch the vagina and make tearing less of an issue.

Get your condom ready. Buy new. If you're afraid to be seen buying them, order online through various companies that ship discreetly. Seriously, your parents will not know just by looking at the box. My first toy purchase was so discreet, no one believed me when I told them what was inside. It is better to know and trust a new condom. You should not have the added concern of expiration and temperature control leading to breakage by getting one from a friend. While you're at it, purchase some lubricant. I will leave suggestions at the bottom of the blog.

Find a private place with no chance of disruption. You don't want your experience ruined by a pesky knock on the door etc. The position I used, and recommend, is having the girl on her back, legs slightly bent. My experience involved my boyfriend lubricating the condom and inserting himself using the missionary position. It sounds dull but for your first time, you want to be relaxed and have your body in a position that is comfortable. 

I had zero pain and zero bleeding. He went slow but in all at once. I was completely at ease (and in love) and honestly couldn't believe that I wasn't experiencing what everyone warned me about. I can't promise that you will have the exact same experience as I had. Hymens and vaginas are not created equal. With  masturbation, fingering and the missionary position, it will only better your chances at a less painful, if not painless penetration.

You'll have plenty of time in the future to experiment and get to the more exciting positions but for your first time, I recommend taking it slow and enjoying the moment while using a traditional position that is comfortable for both. This is just my experience and my suggestions based on how well it went for me.

For condoms, I recommend durex. I've never had an issue with them but I have with Trojans. I've used the regular lubricated, ribbed, warming, large and flavored. I'm a fan of the variety pack.
You can get them discreetly online from the website I use, or 
The drugstore box will say on the box. Durex Link
 Edenfantasys uses a fake name. Go through this link for a discount. You can use that link to search "Sliquid" for my favorite lube. I recommend "Sliquid H2O"

Relax. Get comfortable. Be SAFE! 

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Art of Long Distance

Relationships are challenging (insert "no shit" moment). Distance is something some couples never have to deal with. They live and work close or even together so moments together are plentiful. For others, close proximity isn't an option. Whether a partner travels a lot for work or you simply live on different coasts, there are tricks to keeping the love (and the lust) alive during those times you aren't in each others arms.

I have a lot of experience in long distance relationships, both good and bad. In my teens, dealing with the distance was a mess. This was a military scenario 7 years ago, so we didn't have a lot of the technologies you can use today. Email and pay phones. I was roughing it compared to now a days. I was insecure, needy and attempted to be controlling; all things NOT to do, distance or no distance involved. It created severe tension and resentment. When we could talk on the phone, it was short and unsatisfying. I would end up feeling last on his list of priorities. 

I blog before you, a new woman. I am free of insecurities and negativity. Being secure and positive are key to making your long distance or time apart easier. Your mind has to be in the right place first. 

Before your partner leaves, make sure you leave them satisfied. Put on your best outfit (most of the time, this means nothing at all) and do what you do best. There is no universal way of sending your partner off (or getting your partner off) so use your experience to pick things that will stick with your partner for awhile. Avoid nit picking and arguments. You don't want your partner leaving as it is, let alone leaving with less than pleasant thoughts of you and your relationship. 

While apart, USE TECHNOLOGY. It isn't rocket science. You'll have the typical calls and texts during the day as you would together but use this time to step up your game. For me, I can go the whole day with just texting and have a nice long conversation at night. With the iphone, I not only get to talk to him, but I can use facetime to see him. This makes my day, everyday. I could be having a horrible day, or even a so so day and I light up when I hear his voice. This is different for all people. You may need a few short phone calls just to check in. Whatever works communication wise for you and your partner, make it happen. 

I use photos a lot with distance. No just those photos, perverts. I like seeing what my guy is wearing everyday, love seeing the smile on his face. I take pics of what I'm doing, where I am...just to make him feel a part of my daily life. This doesn't work for everyone. I use it for fun but if it is used as a method of control, things won't progress in a positive direction. There are times for the other types of pictures. Sending a seductive photo unannounced can keep interest and lust alive. Your version of seductive is probably very different from mine. Less is more for me. If your partner gets excited from graphic material and you want to show it, go for it. I like to build a bit on his anticipation. I start with a morning pic of me in bed, just my pjs, nothing too scandalous. I want him to see what he'd wake up to if he were with me. If I know we are going to get on cam, I'll put on something a little sexy and send him a pic to look forward to. It's the little things that go a long way.

If you don't want to read about phone/cam sex, move onto the next paragraph. Depending on your sexual appetite and time apart, you may want to include getting off together in your long distance planning. This may come more naturally to some as it will to others. It may be awkward to start, lots of giggles involved, but if you really focus on your attraction to your partner, it should be easier for you. Think of the last time you were physically together. Start talking back and forth about what you did to your partner. Have your partner say what they did to you. Close your eyes and imagine it. Really let go. There is no wrong way to do this. You just have to figure out how your sex life translates to more of a conversation and mutual masturbation. This isn't something I can really spell out for you since everyone is different. Some people need to hear "pussy" and "cock" and "fuck me" to get going and get off. Others prefer a less crude approach. You'll know best. 

Do whatever you have to do to keep interest and happiness high. Of course you'll miss your partner but when you're able to talk or cam, you don't want to use those times to complain. Usually, there isn't much you can do about your distance scenario but you have total control of how you act when you see and speak to your partner. Be happy. Be horny. Be anything you normally are together but BE POSITIVE.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Size: Does it Matter?

Does size matter? The simple answer is yes but not for the reason you think. Here's why:

We are all different in our turn ons, genital size, pleasure responses, wants and needs. Not every woman is looking for a 12 inch cock just as not every woman will be satisfied by the average 5 to 6 inches. Unaroused, the average vagina is only 3 inches deep. It is due to arousal and pressure that it will expand both in length and width. 

Some women do not get a lot of pleasure from vaginal penetration alone. A less responsive gspot can be very discouraging. These women will often put more emphasis on pleasure from oral or the use of fingers. For others, oral and the use of fingers make a more intense climax along with penetration.

The key is finding the right fit. Personally, I am built very small and can't fit much more than the average cock size. I don't like going under 6 inches however. This is my preferences and what I know sucessfully stimulates me. The best test for me came through my toy reviews. I would get certain toys and they would be too thick and cause pain. Length would also be an issue. I was able to pinpoint my ideal length and width through this trial and error. As a woman, if you want to find your preference without being the goldilocks whore of cocks, I suggest going the toy route. It has worked wonders for me and I now have an eye for my perfect fit.

For the guys, no matter what your size, make sure you have all the proper techniques in your sex arsenal. Read my blog on eating out. Know how to finger the gspot. Have positions that highlight what you have in the dick department. I have found the following position to be mindblowing for all sizes;

You girl should be on her back. Prop her butt up with a pillow. Kneel between her spread legs and penetrate. With her ass slightly in the air, the angle should be perfect for hitting her gspot. Bend her legs or keep them straight but use them to lift her slightly off the pillow to get an even better angle. Her legs or hips should be your anchor point for thrusting. While you're inside, you can either play with her clit, use a toy or have her play with it. I find it easier to be in control of the clit while he focuses on hitting that spot. The combination of gspot and clitoral stimulation has worked wonders for me and those I have coached.

Size matters in varying degrees with each individual. There are woman with the preference and pleasure response that will match your size. Don't be discouraged. If you're 3 inches or 13, don't rely on your size alone. Be the best lover you can by learning and mastering all the techniques in the bedroom. If a girl wanted to do all the work with 10 hard inches, she'd get a dildo. We engage someone physically for the whole package. No one wants a slacker whether you aren't compensating for what you see as a "shortcoming" or if you think your gift to women is your size. Do the work. Your girl will not only appreciate the effort, but the overall experience will make her come back for more.