Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Art of Long Distance

Relationships are challenging (insert "no shit" moment). Distance is something some couples never have to deal with. They live and work close or even together so moments together are plentiful. For others, close proximity isn't an option. Whether a partner travels a lot for work or you simply live on different coasts, there are tricks to keeping the love (and the lust) alive during those times you aren't in each others arms.

I have a lot of experience in long distance relationships, both good and bad. In my teens, dealing with the distance was a mess. This was a military scenario 7 years ago, so we didn't have a lot of the technologies you can use today. Email and pay phones. I was roughing it compared to now a days. I was insecure, needy and attempted to be controlling; all things NOT to do, distance or no distance involved. It created severe tension and resentment. When we could talk on the phone, it was short and unsatisfying. I would end up feeling last on his list of priorities. 

I blog before you, a new woman. I am free of insecurities and negativity. Being secure and positive are key to making your long distance or time apart easier. Your mind has to be in the right place first. 

Before your partner leaves, make sure you leave them satisfied. Put on your best outfit (most of the time, this means nothing at all) and do what you do best. There is no universal way of sending your partner off (or getting your partner off) so use your experience to pick things that will stick with your partner for awhile. Avoid nit picking and arguments. You don't want your partner leaving as it is, let alone leaving with less than pleasant thoughts of you and your relationship. 

While apart, USE TECHNOLOGY. It isn't rocket science. You'll have the typical calls and texts during the day as you would together but use this time to step up your game. For me, I can go the whole day with just texting and have a nice long conversation at night. With the iphone, I not only get to talk to him, but I can use facetime to see him. This makes my day, everyday. I could be having a horrible day, or even a so so day and I light up when I hear his voice. This is different for all people. You may need a few short phone calls just to check in. Whatever works communication wise for you and your partner, make it happen. 

I use photos a lot with distance. No just those photos, perverts. I like seeing what my guy is wearing everyday, love seeing the smile on his face. I take pics of what I'm doing, where I am...just to make him feel a part of my daily life. This doesn't work for everyone. I use it for fun but if it is used as a method of control, things won't progress in a positive direction. There are times for the other types of pictures. Sending a seductive photo unannounced can keep interest and lust alive. Your version of seductive is probably very different from mine. Less is more for me. If your partner gets excited from graphic material and you want to show it, go for it. I like to build a bit on his anticipation. I start with a morning pic of me in bed, just my pjs, nothing too scandalous. I want him to see what he'd wake up to if he were with me. If I know we are going to get on cam, I'll put on something a little sexy and send him a pic to look forward to. It's the little things that go a long way.

If you don't want to read about phone/cam sex, move onto the next paragraph. Depending on your sexual appetite and time apart, you may want to include getting off together in your long distance planning. This may come more naturally to some as it will to others. It may be awkward to start, lots of giggles involved, but if you really focus on your attraction to your partner, it should be easier for you. Think of the last time you were physically together. Start talking back and forth about what you did to your partner. Have your partner say what they did to you. Close your eyes and imagine it. Really let go. There is no wrong way to do this. You just have to figure out how your sex life translates to more of a conversation and mutual masturbation. This isn't something I can really spell out for you since everyone is different. Some people need to hear "pussy" and "cock" and "fuck me" to get going and get off. Others prefer a less crude approach. You'll know best. 

Do whatever you have to do to keep interest and happiness high. Of course you'll miss your partner but when you're able to talk or cam, you don't want to use those times to complain. Usually, there isn't much you can do about your distance scenario but you have total control of how you act when you see and speak to your partner. Be happy. Be horny. Be anything you normally are together but BE POSITIVE.

1 comment:

  1. Sage advice. I love the comment about sharing pics of what you are doing in the day. Having been in long distance relationships in the past the sexual stuff is fun but you need more than that. You need to see that the person is having a good time and that they are taking care of while you are away. I totally agree with you about the suprise pictures those are always fun and make your partner miss and long for you. Technology today is great for being away from someone. You can include some one from a distance and it seems as if you were closer to them. Love this post thank you for the insight.