My Experience with: Masturbation

I was recently asked for advice from a girl expressing difficulty cumming from sex and masturbation. I'm a girl who is having trouble orgasming during sex or masturbating. Any advice?

Let's start with my experience. Since I can remember, I've been aware and a bit fascinated by my girlie parts. I knew they were a part of my body but I saw the whole set-up as being foreign. I started touching myself for pleasure when I was twelve or thirteen. I would take a shower and spread my lips and touch my clit or reach inside with a finger and expect to cum! That is what it seemed like happened on TV and in porn. I thought there'd be instant pleasure. Why wasn't I cumming?? There must be something wrong with me.

Alas, I'm not a quitter. I started changing one thing at a time, starting with my position. I stopped trying in the shower and started laying in bed. My position alone made a huge difference. Little things will affect your experience. Don't give up your hope of an orgasm when a small change could be the key.

My masturbating technique now is the best advice I can provide. You have the best chance of pleasure if you utilize your g-spot and clit at the same time. I highly recommend getting a simple g-spot vibrator that you can slide in, turn on and focus on your clit. The vibrating stimulation on your g-spot will increase sensation in your clit. This is the shape you want to go for and this is what I currently use, even with my man. You want your g-spot toy to do the work for you so you can give your attention to touching your clit.

With the clit, I like to use my left hand to spread my lips. It brings the clit to the forefront which helps if you aren't turned on or turned on all the way. As I said, the g-spot toy should help bring more sensation to your clit. I use saliva or water based lube to keep my clit wet at all times. If you touch too much or apply too much pressure for too long, you'll be sore later on which I doubt will make you want to jump back into the sack with yourself any time soon! I use 2-3 fingers and slide from the front to the back, back and forth. I'd give this a few minutes to start feeling pleasurable. Tingling and warmth are what you're looking to feel. Just start with that. Eventually, keep going, maybe add more pressure. For me, I have to touch myself, stop and press down on my clit to climax. You may be able to cum without stopping the motion.

For fun, I'll masturbate before sex and as soon as a climax, I will have him get on top of me and I'll start  touching myself again with him inside me. If you want to try to cum from your g-spot alone during sex, this is the next step for you. You want to start cumming with your man inside while you touch your clit.  Get used to those pleasurable feelings and have them associated with cock. I also recommend getting a rabbit toy for the dual stimulation. Get one with the controls separate from the base of the toy, like this. When you're exploring your body, the last thing you want to do is sit up awkwardly trying to figure out which button to press that is sticking out of your vagina. I like to have my control on my side. A tilt of the head and simple adjustment means remaining comfortable and in the moment. Interruptions can lead to having to start the process from the beginning and if you have a good thing going, why would you want to stop and restart?

Masturbation is the key to understanding your key triggers and points of pleasure. I fully understand the frustration when masturbation doesn't seem to "work". Let me just say, even if you don't feel anything when masturbating, you are accomplishing something. Whatever you're doing, isn't right for you so try something new. Whether you read a book that said "do it this way" or got advice from a friend or even read something from me, there is no single way to pleasure yourself as a female. We are all different. If what you're doing isn't working, change it. All I can provide is what works for me and the advice to not give up or get frustrated.

Size: Does it Matter?

Does size matter? The simple answer is yes but not for the reason you think. Here's why:

We are all different in our turn ons, genital size, pleasure responses, wants and needs. Not every woman is looking for a 12 inch cock just as not every woman will be satisfied by the average 5 to 6 inches. Unaroused, the average vagina is only 3 inches deep. It is due to arousal and pressure that it will expand both in length and width. 

Some women do not get a lot of pleasure from vaginal penetration alone. A less responsive gspot can be very discouraging. These women will often put more emphasis on pleasure from oral or the use of fingers. For others, oral and the use of fingers make a more intense climax along with penetration.

The key is finding the right fit. Personally, I am built very small and can't fit much more than the average cock size. I don't like going under 6 inches however. This is my preferences and what I know sucessfully stimulates me. The best test for me came through my toy reviews. I would get certain toys and they would be too thick and cause pain. Length would also be an issue. I was able to pinpoint my ideal length and width through this trial and error. As a woman, if you want to find your preference without being the goldilocks whore of cocks, I suggest going the toy route. It has worked wonders for me and I now have an eye for my perfect fit.

For the guys, no matter what your size, make sure you have all the proper techniques in your sex arsenal. Read my blog on eating out. Know how to finger the gspot. Have positions that highlight what you have in the dick department. I have found the following position to be mindblowing for all sizes;

You girl should be on her back. Prop her butt up with a pillow. Kneel between her spread legs and penetrate. With her ass slightly in the air, the angle should be perfect for hitting her gspot. Bend her legs or keep them straight but use them to lift her slightly off the pillow to get an even better angle. Her legs or hips should be your anchor point for thrusting. While you're inside, you can either play with her clit, use a toy or have her play with it. I find it easier to be in control of the clit while he focuses on hitting that spot. The combination of gspot and clitoral stimulation has worked wonders for me and those I have coached.

Size matters in varying degrees with each individual. There are woman with the preference and pleasure response that will match your size. Don't be discouraged. If you're 3 inches or 13, don't rely on your size alone. Be the best lover you can by learning and mastering all the techniques in the bedroom. If a girl wanted to do all the work with 10 hard inches, she'd get a dildo. We engage someone physically for the whole package. No one wants a slacker whether you aren't compensating for what you see as a "shortcoming" or if you think your gift to women is your size. Do the work. Your girl will not only appreciate the effort, but the overall experience will make her come back for more.